Archive for the Rants Category

“STOP CRYIN’ LIKE A BITCH”

Posted in Rants on May 18, 2011 by primalstrength

We should all agree that everyone will not see eye to eye when it comes to fitness. Bodybuilders lift weights to sculpt and build their muscles, to look good on a stage. Zumba idiots….hell I don’t know why they do what they do! Runners, run in order to be skinny, lose testosterone and piss and shit themselves. Crossfitters, crossfit because it’s preparing for the “unknown and unknowable.” Where do we fit in? Somewhere between bodybuilding and Crossfit. We simply are here to get stronger and faster while not losing size and looking like an AIDS patient.

You may or may not agree with our programming. Truthfully, I don’t give a fuck if you do or don’t. This is why this program is not for everyone. Is it the BEST in the world? I don’t know. It has made some strong fuckers who are still fast and eat bullets for breakfast. Are we anti-crossfit? Nope. Very Pro-crossfit. we have just made some changes and are doing what we WANT to do.

So, what if a CF HQ trainer walked into the gym and saw several of us working triceps or curls? Who gives a shit! Am I fit? Yep. Strong? Yep. Fast? Yep.
We do what works for us. The lack of determining what fits your personality, goals, and interests in the gym is probably why 90% of motherfuckers who ever set foot in the gym never progress and stay weak. Instead, they jump on whatever program is around and listen to what any asshole tells them, then they ride that program or system straight to fat camp or skinny camp or bitch ass camp. Do what works for you and we will do what works for us. Simply stated.

P.S.
You should focus more on lifting and getting strong and less time on random horse shit, that you can’t change. Like reading our blog…..GFY

DON’T TREAD ON ME?

Posted in Rants on May 13, 2011 by primalstrength

I received this from “Stone Cold” Austin today via email. I thought the rest of you would enjoy it!

Today on my way to work, after a had my Shetland Pony and small child breakfast, I was sipping my XL cup of Diesel when I passed a Toyota Sienna with a skinny, little armed, tofu eatin’ muthaf#*ker in the driver seat. This was no smoking hot soccer mom with a bedazzled cell phone and nice fake fun bags. No, it was a dude, a cum stain on the sheets of beasts and Poundstones everywhere. This wasn’t a company van used to transport fierce killers or large amounts of Balco products. This was obviously HIS personal van. I was able to derive this conclusion based on the various window stickers placed around this RUNNER MOBILE. However, one sticker caught my eye and made me spew diesel everywhere. On the back left corner of the vehicle is a sticker most of us all recognize well and from any distance, you know, the yellow background with a rattlesnake coiled and ready to unleash death. This skinny, grub worm on the food chain, little cunt had a “Don’t Tread on Me” window sticker. Are you kidding me muthaf*#ker?! Of all of the sperm that made it to the egg, you lead the pack?! That’s the difference in you and me. You ran a sperm race. Me, I endured a trillion sperm battle royal to the death and I was the baddest gamete on the block. There was no race. To you I say… Go Run!

To all you elliptical riding premature ejaculators, please do not EVER think you’re a beast. You are about as intimidating as a unicorn’s pube. If you do get the wild cunt hair idea that you are a b@d@$$ and that I should not tread on you, please swing that mini-van on into the Terror on Tenosha. I cordially invite YOU, Mr. Don’t Tread on Me and My Sienna, to GFY.

“You look like you have AIDS, Me? I look like I eat children for breakfast”

Posted in Rants on May 11, 2011 by primalstrength


I am going to take a few minutes and bash some endurance athletes and skinny guys, again……
I guess if you are the type of person who enjoys running for miles and miles and miles and never becoming a functional human being then have at it. Some things to consider:
A. During the Apocalypse, you will eventually grow tired or we (strong fuckers) will ambush you and we will eat you.

B. What if I catch you? Or just get in my car and run you over?

You have no strength! It is a fact that most marathoner CANNOT bench press their bodyweight or vertical jump onto a 24 inch box. Awesome! That makes you useless and it causes me to hate you.

So, why are you spending all this time running? Training to outrun what? A fucking tiger will still run you down and devour your 150 lb. ass. Tigers also climb trees. So, running to hide in a tree isn’t going to work. Hell, most of our PS Crew will run your scrawny ass down within 400 meters.

This jackass is Haile Gebrselassie, the World Record holder in the Mens marathon. Obviously they are escaping from a Death Camp of some sorts???

On another note, GPP (General Physical Preparedness) DOES NOT mean you have to be a skinny mediocre man. The notion that to be “functional” or “fit” or “healthy” means you have to weigh 170-185 lbs. is bullshit.
Is this guy fit?

Derek Poundstone (born on September 28, 1981, 6’1″, 341 lb is an American professional strongman athlete from Waterbury, Connecticut. Derek Poundstone is also a police officer for the Naugatuck, Connecticut Police Department. (Wikipedia)

Sill not convinced that you can be strong, big and fast?

Scott Wells of Lift Strong Run Fast (who I get a majority of our programming from) Deadlifts 550 lbs. at a body weight of 195# and Bench Presses 330 lbs.

Will our program make you a powerlifter or the Worlds Strongest Man? No. But it will throw some quality muscle and meat on you and you can still maintain a great level of GPP, be fast and strong as a Silver Back Gorilla, which by the way can smash a Honey Badger with one hammer fist to the spine.
Will the Primal Strength Crew ever win a marathon? Nope. Why? Because we’re not going to enter a silly ass marathon. Can we chase you down in a balls-to-the wall sprint, tear off your arms and club you to death with them? You better bet your skinny, Saucony shoe wearing, long slow distance running ass we can.

To all you marathoners and skinny guys who refuse to pick up a weight….GFY! To the PS Crew…..GFY too!

BE BIG, BE STRONG, BE FAST!
SH

B.A.M

Posted in Awesomeness, Rants on May 7, 2011 by primalstrength

This was taken from Lift Strong Run Fast. Owner Scott Wells, who obviously has a GFY attitude (which I admire) gave me permission to repost this. Enjoy!

Loyalty- the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.

Basically not being a bitch ass motherfucker “B.A.M”. I see this in all aspects of life. From staying committed to a program, to keeping your word, all the way to relationships and friendships. Loyalty is worth more than money. In my opinion, it’s up there with RESPECT. Loyalty earns respect, not being loyal earns you disrespect. Once you don’t respect yourself, or others don’t respect you, it’s hard to hold your head high. People look down on you. “and you should look down on yourself as well” I was always told by my mother to conduct myself in a manner where I would treat others as if I would like to be treated. I understood this until recently. When I’m in the gym, I train hard, don’t make excuses, and give it my all every day. I can look in the mirror and tell myself I gave it my best. Whether or not my performance was good or bad, I tried and that is what I can respect. I see people giving half ass efforts and expecting full time results. This is where I would have to argue with my mother. Why should I give credit where it’s not due? These people are B.A.M. that will never work for results and bash any and everything that is trying to help them. Here are a few examples of B.A.M.

Miscounting reps=B.A.M.

Hating=B.A.M.

Jealousy=B.A.M.

Not giving 100%=B.A.M.

Missing work=B.A.M.

Trying to creep on your friend’s girl=B.A.M.

Not being part of the team=B.A.M.

Not being a MAN-B.A.M.

Supporting a B.A.M.=B.A.M

The list goes on and on. There is no exact definition for it but I promise you this, when you see it, you will definitely know it. It will be so obvious to you that you will almost dismiss it. Please, I beg you, don’t fall into this trap. You will lose every bit of respect.

Scott Wells

Proud Owner of Lift Strong Run Fast

P.S. Sometimes shit just needs to be said. I’m o.k. with being the bad guy, but I’m not o.k. with being the B.A.M. that keeps his mouth shut.

IF YOU RUN, YOU WILL DIE TIRED

Posted in Rants on May 3, 2011 by primalstrength

After buying the New Balance Minimus and running 4X400m I realized that my calves were sore as fuck the next few days. That sent me into a frenzy over running. The intervals? I can deal with. It is a neccisity for strength and speed. The 5k bullshit…not so much. I will still do it, I just hate it!
Can you be strong and fast? Hell yes you can!
This whole Paleo/caveman thing has given some a false perception of early man and how they survived. Were they running for miles and miles to hunt food? Or to out run a crazy Pterodactyl that was flying overhead looking to gouge its claws into the huge cranium of a skinny helpless Neanderthal? NO! Were there occassions that maybe they had to run miles? Hundreds of miles? Maybe.

Here is what I suggest:
While the Tarahumera people do indeed run a shit load of miles this is not how the Neanderthals or Cro-Magnon man survived.
Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons carried heavy hand made weapons designed for stabbing, not so much throwing. Research and evidence suggests they primarily hunted horses, mammoth, beaver, bison, woolly mammoth, mastodon, and saber toothed tigers. To kill them, Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals would circle a herd of mastodons or other animals and then drive them off a cliff, or push them into a swamp and slaughter them while their motion was limited. That doesn’t sound like a pack of LSD runners to me. Instead, it sounds like a pack of jacked fuckers who hated their food, and would have bagged The Hulk, Batman, The X-Men and the Transformers if met in a dark alley or cave. They never saw an animal they didn’t want to dine on, and it seems they rarely encountered a living thing they felt comfortable letting live another day.

These guys were not marathon runners or joggers, they were musclebound, jacked up, death dealers.

So, do your own research and see that most will agree that we were not created to be an efficient runner. We use more energy to run than the typical mammal our size. What does that mean? It means that we are far better off to sprint up to a bear, hammer fist it in the neck, swing a club (that a “runner” couldn’t carry) until we break his leg, stalk him into a swamp then spear his ass to death. That beats the hell outta chasing him until he tires and dies.

Of all of the animals on earth, which ones are generally suited to running LSD? Predators, or prey? If you said prey, you win! (What did I win? You ask. A big ass club to sit with in the woods and ambush a deer as it slowly grazes in front of you.)
Predators, for the most part, are heavily muscled, aggressive, meat-eating creatures….sounds a lot like the PS Crew.

Run your sprints, train your intervals but stay away from the LSD…..Oh, did I mention that LSD running decreases your testosterone levels, muscle mass and makes you look like a dumbass shuffing on the side of the road?

GET BIG, GET STRONG, GET FAST

SH

“THAT’S A GREAT TIME ON THAT WOD…NOW GFY”

Posted in Rants on April 30, 2011 by primalstrength

Ok, so you are a 160 lbs and you have a sub 3 minute Fran and you can run a 5k in under 20 minutes and you can perform multiple butterfly pull ups. Awesome! But you can’t bench much past your bodyweight, your squat 1 RM is shit and you couldn’t Deadlift my bodyweight. (which is 213 lbs.) So what good is that?

No balance! You are one-sided. A one way street. You have become an endurance athlete who can throw around a little more weight than the Boston Marathon winner. So if Bubba decides he wants to fire off on your ass you will be able to run from him. GREAT! What if he smashes your ass and folds you like a chair? Can you butterfly pull up yourself out from under him?

Take some time and get STRONG! Your face could depend on it.
So the next time you wanna stick your chest out and parade your WOD time around, make sure there is some strength to go with it.

On a side note: Myself, JH and most the other PS guys CAN do butterfly pullups, still run a descent 5k and have no problem telling you to GFY in regards to your times!

SH

PRIMAL STRENGTH, WHO ARE WE????

Posted in Rants on March 25, 2011 by primalstrength

ALPHA MALES
What is this?
The term “alpha male” is sometimes applied to humans to refer to a man who is powerful through his courage and a competitive, goal-driven, “take charge” attitude. With their bold approach and confidence “alpha males” are often described as charismatic. While “alpha males” are often overachievers and recognized for their leadership qualities, their aggressive tactics and competitiveness can also lead to resentment by others.

In the animal world
The alpha animals are given preference to be the first to eat and the first to mate; among some species they are the only animals in the pack allowed to mate. Other animals in the community are usually killed or ousted if they violate this rule.

SO…….ENOUGH SAID!!!
JH